Michael Jackson Not Dead: Spotted At Area Wal-Mart

By Alan Smithee

TMZ will be checking these reports out soon, but we have scooped them on the very first sighting of Michael Jackson. The King of Pop is not dead. We spotted him at an area Wal-Mart in Kansas on Saturday. He had on a minor disguise but anybody could easily see that it was Michael Jackson. This information is being given to the appropriate authorities because there are significant legal implications to Michael Jackson being alive.


As usual, Michael was shopping and buying decorative consumer items. This is excellent, though controversial, news. Michael lives. Maybe he just wanted to disappear and faking his death would be the ultimate way to do that. Note that it was a closed casket at the Staples Center Memorial. There is even speculation that a John Doe was given plastic surgery to look like the Peter Pan Michael in order to bamboozle the authorities. Note the absence of remorse by Joe Jackson cause he was hawking his record company before Michael was supposedly even buried.


Our representatives are now shadowing local Target stores. We figure Michael will show up in disguise there next. We are already getting reports. Note picture above.